How to Introduce Sex Toys into your Lovelife?
The problem with broaching the topic of introducing “sex toys” into your lovelife is that by the very mention of them, the brain locks onto the stigma associated with these two words: the assumption that the need for them stems from a run of bad performances.
Such a suggestion may be interpreted from a male perspective as: “What can I do more?”, but in truth, the vibrator is just one piece to the act of love making – a machine that oscillates at 1000 rpm that no man can physically match.
So the introduction of sex toys should be viewed pragmatically, in that a man or woman can do so much more than a simple toy that has just one function, as opposed to your partner who can kiss, caress and cuddle, all human intimate sensual sensations that science can’t replicate.
“Come as You Are”, a guide to orgasms by Emily Nagoski, who has 20 years experience in this realm covers a number of these topics in her book which are often the precursor to inviting sex toys into your bedroom.
Why can men have orgasms so much easier than women?
This she argues is down to the dual control mechanism in the female brain: the first part is the sexual accelerator or the gas pedal which responds to all the sexual stimuli going on around you, but there’s also the “brake”, much like a horse rider pulling hard on the reins which can be triggered by something inocious like being cautious about the kids coming in, to the more critical about worrying about your body which creates thoughts that interfere with your bodies ability to get aroused.
Men on the other hand tend to have more sensitive accelerators and less sensitive breaks – a generalization but moreover true.
So for women, increasing your chances of having an orgasm can be something very straightforward like putting a lock on the door, but overall it’s about clearing the mind as women tend to be the opposite to men in that they’re more sensitive to putting their foot on the break than going flat down on the accelerator, which is why mindfulness meditation will fundamentally help avoid stepping on those breaks.
Why introduce sex toys into the bedroom?
One of the key reasons that can be explained pragmatically as to why either of you should introduce sex toys into your relationship is the fact that only a third of women are reliably orgasmic through vaginal penetration alone, so roughly two thirds of women are rarely, if ever orgasmic through vaginal stimulation, so the need for direct clitoral stimulation is paramount to women reaching orgasm hence this is where sex toy’s fall in.
If you’re talking about actually having an orgasm through sexual intercourse, the number one tip is “clitoral stimulation”.
With either you or your partners hand, a sex toy or the grinding of you’re pubic bones, stimulating the clitoris is key to both of you reaching orgasm.
How to introduce sex toys into your bedroom
The reason why partners are sometimes intimidated by the idea of sex toys is because they think there is some equivalent between them as a partner and a sex toy, they’re thinking about what the sex toy can do that they can’t, like oscillating at supernatural speeds – something a human being can’t naturally do, so feeling intimidated by what they can’t do is understandable.
So first begin by pinpointing everything your partner can do that the sex toy can’t, (if it’s you introducing this new pleasurable concept), in fact there was research published in 2014 that demonstrated that the best predictor of sexual satisfaction is how long a couple cuddle after sex.
The best predictor of sexual satisfaction is not what people do in bed or how orgasmic they are, it’s how long they cuddle afterwards, so in terms of the single best predictor of sexual satisfaction, a vibrator is not going to cosy up to you after sex, it’s not going to make eye contact, it won’t caress your face or kiss you – all a sex toy will do is vibrate, which is great, that’s useful, but all it will do is this one specific task on top of all the things your partner brings to the table.
So make your partner feel like a superhero when broaching the idea of introducing a vibrator into the relationship – make them understand that it’s just one tool in the myriad of stimulations that he or she can provide and that there are no downsides to using this kind sexual stimulator, far from it as each of you will benefit exponentially straight off the bat.
Additionally the Teledildonics 2 Way Pleasure Device might fit the bill for those long distance relationships.